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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27947921">Memento Mori</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoPantsSaturday/pseuds/NoPantsSaturday'>NoPantsSaturday</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Flashbacks, Injury, Love Confessions, M/M, life and death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:14:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,413</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27947921</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoPantsSaturday/pseuds/NoPantsSaturday</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lorenz battles with his trauma after Claude is struck from the sky during battle.  Claurenz emotions Post Time skip.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lorenz Hellman Gloucester/Claude von Riegan, Marianne von Edmund/Hilda Valentine Goneril</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Memento Mori</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/unrivaled_tapestry/gifts">unrivaled_tapestry</a>.</li>



    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sounds of clashing metal echoed through the field accompanied only by the screams of the fallen. The tangy, coppery smell of blood covered the scent of pine that was in the air when the battalion had arrived. Though he knew it was a necessary evil, battles made Lorenz scrunch his nose in indignation, at how truly horrible it was.</p>
<p>Surrounded by the faces of the fallen, Lorenz dared not look at the ground, instead firing spells at distant foes, knocking them to the ground. Fire. Sagittae. Fire. Agneas Arrow. The smell of burning flesh filled his nose,  and Lorenz did his best to hold his breath. It was something he would never grow used to, but the battle was finally turning. The sun had nearly set after fighting through the day, ushering the faint light of dusk. The Alliance army was slowly making their way across enemy lines and it appeared the battle was nearly won. That is, until a powerful crackle of Thunder shattered in the air, lighting up the dark sky in a grand explosion of light, followed by the wounded scream of a wyvern. </p>
<p>Lorenz’s stomach dropped as he looked to the sky, and saw two figures falling to the earth. Before he could think, his legs carried him in a scrambled sprint. He knew who it was without even thinking. Lorenz could feel his tired limbs wobbling from exhaustion under him, but he refused to stop running, not until he could catch him. Tumbling to the ground, Lorenz threw out his arms and was able to break the man’s fall with his own body, though the weight of the fall was enough to feel his arm snap.</p>
<p>  Lorenz screamed out in pain, but quickly tried to compose himself as he turned the broken body of his leader over in his arms. He could feel the fresh blood seeping into his gloves, but the knowledge that it was not his own only made him panic more. </p>
<p>“Claude! Claude! Answer me!” Lorenz cried, shaking his leader’s body as much as he could before the pain was unbearable. He was replied with a cough, specks of blood spattering against Lorenz’s cheek. Claude opened his eyes and weakly gave Lorenz one of his trademark smirks, though the blood was now dripping from the edge of his lips. </p>
<p>Oh dear goddess. He’s bleeding. From Inside. Lorenz panicked, and pulled his aching arm out from under Claude. Fighting the aching scream of his arm, Lorenz moved his hand against Claude’s chest, and cast Heal over his shaking body. It was barely anything, but Lorenz hoped it would be enough to save his friend’s life.</p>
<p> His Friend… </p>
<p>Lorenz quickly shook his head of such thoughts and looked around, hoping to see someone; anyone. “Help!!” he called out. “Anyone!! We need Help here!! Please!!” <br/>“Lorenz…” Claude whispered with what little energy he could muster, though with it, more blood was spilling from his lips. No.. No! That needs to stay IN! </p>
<p>“Claude.. Please.. Quiet now.. You need to save your strength..” Lorenz spoke softly. </p>
<p>“Lorenz..” He spoke again, calling out and reaching a weak and bloody hand up to Lorenz’s face. The blood was now soaking into his clothes and it was spreading fast.  “This.. This is your fault…”</p>
<p>“What?! Claude? What do you---” Claude coughed again, blood splattering everywhere. </p>
<p>“It’s your fault.. Lorenz. You are the reason things will end this way…” Claude coughed one more time, before his eyes fell shut again. </p>
<p>“Claude?! Claude! Please Wake up!!” Lorenz called, shaking his leader to no response. </p>
<p>“CLAUDE!!”</p>
<p>Lorenz awoke sitting straight up, in a puddle of sweat and his cheeks hot with tears. </p>
<p>Another nightmare. </p>
<p> Lorenz let out a groan as he shuffled out of his covers and sat to the edge of the bed. The sun was already high in the sky. It was already late morning. Possibly even afternoon. Usually, Lorenz was quite the early riser, but upon returning back at the monastery, he couldn't get himself to wake before ten. Wiping the sweat from his brow, he already knew today was going to be another trial. He moved to his vanity, and couldn't help but meet eyes with the creature in the mirror staring back at him. The small wooden vanity was something he had imported to the monastery upon his arrival there as a student, and while he was thankful to have it now, using it reminded Lorenz of how much of a posh brat he was in his youth. Oh goddess, his youth. </p>
<p>Thinking back to how he once was something that never failed to make him uncomfortable, and while that was something every seemed to feel, looking back at his previous self seemed much worse. He was so spoiled, rude to anyone he viewed as unworthy, and worst of all, blind to the truth told to anyone other than his precious father. A precious father, he might add, who had been manipulating Lorenz from the start and had his hand in so much political subterfuge that Lorenz didn’t want to believe. That man.. Well needless to say, he was horrible, and Lorenz didn’t feel bad for stealing so many valuables before returning to the monastery. Father be damned. </p>
<p>Lorenz looked back to himself in the vanity mirror, as much as he didn’t like what he saw. His eyes had dark circles around them from the many restless nights, and his usually pristine hair was now a knotted mess from all the tossing in his sleep. </p>
<p>Utterly Pathetic. Lorenz thought to himself as reached for his hairbrush with his good arm; the one not wrapped tightly into a sling. He brushed his hair as much as he could, running his fingers through to break apart any knots, before peering over at the multiple bottles that made up his daily skincare routine.  While normally this was a task Lorenz performed with great joy, today it seemed like a large hassle. </p>
<p>Walking to his armoire, he looked inside and was immediately overwhelmed. The mass array of purples and lilacs and golds were usually something that brought Lorenz a sense of thrill, spending time picking out just what to wear and what was most suitable for that day. But again, he didn’t feel much for preening today, so he reached in and pulled what seemed easiest: His simple riding clothes, a white shirt, lilac vest, and violet riding breeches. The outfit was still incredibly loud, but it was the least incredible of his wardrobe. </p>
<p>He was ready to face the day now. Well, as ready as he felt he could be. Lorenz thought again about his tormenting dreams. Maybe today should be the day he goes to infirmary to visit him.. But at the thought, something poked Lorenz in his chest, something that made his heart beat so hard and fast it was like it was on fire. He didn’t like it. </p>
<p>Maybe he was hungry. That must be it. Breakfast was probably still available at the dining hall, and he wouldn’t do anyone much good hungry. </p>
<p>Breakfast was certainly still being served in the Dining Hall, of course, most were already arriving to receive lunch. The cacophony of voices reverberated off of the high ceilings and was much too loud. It was so overwhelming that Lorenz felt weak. He quickly walked to the counter and collected a small plate for himself and a tea set before absconding out of the clamoring hall to somewhere far more quiet. </p>
<p>The gardens and gazebo were empty, and Lorenz couldn’t be more relieved. The last thing he needed was to be perceived by anyone right now, in the sorry state he was in. Using his good hand, Lorenz poured himself a hot cup of tea and took a sip. The warm aroma swallowed him up and gave him a brief sweep of comfort as he looked around the garden. The flowers once vibrant and fragrant in the summer now felt as though their color was starting to wane. It was becoming about that time, but seeing the flowers wilt always was something Lorenz dreaded. Even the beautiful rose must one day wither, but the thought just brought a hard pang to his heart. There were so many here that loved to view the flowers, so many of his fellow students, so many of his friends that could never enjoy such beauties again… Dorothea… Ferdinand..   …. Clau--</p>
<p> “Hey, Lorenz.” He jumped at the interruption, nearly spilling his hot tea all over himself. He turned to the voice.  </p>
<p>“Oh hello, Hilda.” He smiled with what he hoped was demure grace. Though he knew he wasn’t in much of a mood for conversation, he didn’t wish to be rude.  “Come sit and I will pour you some tea.” </p>
<p>Hilda took a seat across from Lorenz as he poured her tea into one of the spare cups in the set. Apparently these teapots were intended for two to four, but Lorenz didn’t want to admit he was planning on drinking all of the tea himself. </p>
<p>“So… How is he?” Lorenz asked as he placed the cup down in front of her. There is a pregnant pause as Hilda stirs sugar into her tea. <br/>“He's… stable. For now” She said at last. “But there’s no telling what will happen now.” </p>
<p> Of course, Lorenz knew what she meant. Claude was alive, but just barely.  </p>
<p>“Well, the best we can do now is wait.” He tried his best to look candid, taking a sip of his tea, but by the way Hilda looked at him, it appeared she wasn’t convinced. </p>
<p>“How are you, Lorenz?” She asked him with a tone of gravity he had never heard from her before. But he didn’t want to make her worry for him. </p>
<p>“Me? Oh, I am fine. You know, for how it is. No need to worry about me.” He sipped. </p>
<p>“Lorenz...” <br/> <br/>“Truly, I insist!” At this, Hilda lets out a rough sigh, her aggravation was obviously growing, and Lorenz couldn’t fight taking in a sharp breath.</p>
<p>“Lorenz, you look like a mess! Did you even brush your hair this morning? Obviously something is wrong.”</p>
<p>“Hilda, may I remind you that my arm is broken.” Lorenz replied, waving his slinged arm as much as he could without pain. “I am simply doing what I can while in this position. It really is nothing to worry about” </p>
<p> “Listen…” Hilda pulled her lips to sip her tea, before placing back on it’s saucer. “I don’t understand why you’re lying to me, but I know you have more at stake here than just losing our leader.” </p>
<p>“I-- What?” Lorenz stammered, “Hilda what are you--” </p>
<p> “I saw you, Lorenz. That night, in the Rose Garden.” Hildas words were pointed now. </p>
<p>The Rose Garden? What could she be-- </p>
<p> Oh. That night…</p>
<p> And within a moment, memories Lorenz had pushed away came flooding back. </p>
<p>--</p>
<p>The night before marching to battle was never easy. Nearly everyone in the monastery lied awake in their beds, hoping desperately for a wink of sleep to take them to be prepared for the coming day. But of course, knowing that they would soon be fighting for their lives left so many stirring. <br/>Unable to rest his uneasy mind on nights such as these, Lorenz often found solace in strolling through the empty monastery. He rarely ran into others on nights such as these, and the cool night air was refreshing on his unsteady nerves. Tonight, the moon was full, and the extra light lended Lorenz to exploring the rose garden. <br/>There was something in the air that night, jittering nerves perhaps, that told Lorenz that he simply could not spend the evening in his bed. He longed for the peace that the midnight air brought him, and swiftly left on his walk. <br/>Lorenz reached out to a nearby rosebush and took one of the gentle buds in his hand, allowing the soft petals to caress his fingertips. It was far too late in the night for the roses to bloom, but still even closed away, they were still beautiful. He had always loved roses, even as a young boy, but something about the blossoms at the monastery always seemed to be the most enchanting that he had seen. <br/>‘Maybe…’ Lorenz thought. ‘taking a rose for the march tomorrow would be a nice token to take along. For luck.’ Slowly, he reached a hand out to grab one of the sizable buds for himself but all of a sudden--<br/>“Hah!!” A tanned hand reached out from behind and grabbed Lorenz by the shoulder causing him to jump about a meter in the air and let out a high yelp; a sound that was instantly greeted with a roar of laughter. Laughter that was recognized instantly to be none other than... <br/>“Claude von Riegen!” Lorenz chided, turning to face the cheeky tart.  “You mustn't scare me like that! You could wake up the entire monastery! Not to mention that it is incredibly rude!” <br/> The young Duke was folded over himself, holding his belly as his laughter died down to an easy chuckle. <br/>“I’m sorry Lorenz. You know I couldn’t help myself. You scare much too easily, and it’s really funny to watch.” Claude replied before making a playful attempt to mimic the sound Lorenz had just made. In the moonlight, he could see Claude giving one his trademark grins; one that until recently, filled him with ire. Of course, things have been changing quite a lot recently. <br/>In their youth, Lorenz couldn’t bear to even say the name ‘Claude von Reigen’, baring a hatred bred into him by a father he regarded so highly. Every exchange they made was a battle for what felt like the entirety of the Alliance, every classroom discussion became a harsh debate, and every word between them was one of war. At least, that was how Lorenz had seen it. Truly, he hadn’t a clue what went through von Riegen’s head most days, but it was a battle nonetheless. But something had changed in the five years they were apart; a real war had begun and with it, Lorenz saw the true nature of the father he had idolized for so long. And on the day they were reunited, Lorenz felt as if he saw the man he considered his rival for this first time.  The boy that so infuriated Lorenz was gone, dead even, and in his place was a man that he hardly recognized. Claude in the years apart had become a fearsome archer, a cunning leader, and that cheeky grin that Lorenz once hated now made him seem… less infuriating. Dare he say, handsome, even. <br/>Over the months at the monastery since their reunion, things started to slip back into place as if they had never left, but with one key difference. The fights that so often got hostile in the past now had become something much different; playful. Spitting venom had transformed into something sweet, harmless, and dare he say… charming. Playful squirmishes had eventually grown to include Claude’s practical jokes, teasing, and occasionally the cheeky wink or grin that caused Lorenz’s stomach to do backflips. <br/>And even now, while Claude’s laughter at his expense subsided, Lorenz couldn’t help but become at ease. The tension from being frightened melted within him and almost relaxed him more than when he was alone with his thoughts. That’s what friendship does, he supposed. </p>
<p> “Seriously though,” Claude rose again, regaining his composure.  “Thank you for that, I certainly needed to laugh and you never fail to have the best reaction.”</p>
<p> “Haha.. Yes of course…” Lorenz dismissed as he turned to leave, taking a single step towards the monastery. “I’m glad I could serve as your jester.. sire…” And with that, before he could take another step as if on cue, Claude reached out again. </p>
<p> “N-No Lorenz wait I didn’t mean it I-”  but Claude’s words were cut off by the sound of Lorenz’s own laughter. Payback, he thought as he turned back. “Oh ha. Ha. Nice one, Lorenz.” </p>
<p> “Needless to say, you were not the only one in need of a laugh tonight.”</p>
<p> “Haha.. yeah yeah.. You got me.” </p>
<p>And as their laughter subsided, something still hung in the air between them. Lorenz couldn’t place what exactly it was, but it left Lorenz unable to speak, as if the words he wanted to say were drowning in the fog in his mind; but of course, it always felt this way with Claude. Originally, Lorenz supposed it was something akin to the animosity they experienced in their youth, but now, after so many occurrences, he was sure that was not the case. In fact, the only word Lorenz could place to this feeling was.. Longing. But longing for what? He was unsure. <br/>It was Claude that spoke first. <br/>“So.. I’m actually glad I ran into you tonight..” He began. It was then that Lorenz noticed that Claude had foregone his usual regalia, instead wearing a white tunic, half open, and a pair of breeches that capped at his knee. It was simple, but something about his relaxed attire made Claude look effortless, and  it made Lorenz’s chest flutter with excitement. “There was something I wanted to talk to you about.” <br/> “Oh? Well, I am certain we can discuss anything here. What is it you needed? Something to do with tomorrow’s march preparations?”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      <br/>“Huh? Oh no.” Claude started to muddle his palms together. <br/>“Then do you need to review the battle plan one more time? I am no Professor, but I could certainly give you my input.” <br/>“No... It’s not that either.” <br/>“Oh! Then you must have finally realized how much you needed my wonderful style advice and want me to help redecorate the dining hall.” Lorenz gave a little ho-hum, pleased with his little joke. </p>
<p>“Lorenz, the day I want to paint the monastery purple, you know you will be the first man I call. But no, It’s not that either.”</p>
<p>“Hm… Well.. If it’s not battle preparations.. Or my incredulous sense of style..” Lorenz paused with a demure hum and thought to himself, but he could not think of any other things Claude would need to speak about. “I am stumped. What else could it be?” </p>
<p>“Lorenz..” Claude paused. “Come on. You know what I’m talking about..” </p>
<p>Well, if Lorenz wasn’t confused before, now he surely was. </p>
<p>“Claude I assure you I don’t have any idea what you mean what is--” </p>
<p>“I’m tired of the games, Lorenz.” Claude cut in, his words </p>
<p>Games? “What games, Claude? I don’t understand what you mean” <br/> <br/>“I mean this, Lorenz. The mind games we keep playing on each other, this teasing, needs to end. I don’t think I can take another minute of it. And something in our friendship needs to change.” </p>
<p>Lorenz felt a pang in his gut. Of course, that was it, wasn’t it. This change between them must have been something he imagined. And it was easy to see that Claude still held contempt. Of course he did. After how Lorenz had acted their entire school time, he wouldn’t be surprised if Claude never wanted to see him again. For some reason, this brought a deep pang to his chest. </p>
<p> “Claude.. I.. I see. I understand. I did not mean to upset you like this. And if this joking is not something you want, I can bring it to a stop immediately. I can even become scarce if you need. Just, please, allow me to continue fighting for our cause. I don’t think I could bear abandoning our classmates after all we’ve been through.” </p>
<p> Claude paused a moment and allowed Lorenz’s reply to hang in the air. </p>
<p> “Abandoning our-- What? Lorenz, I’m not asking you to leave. I’m not mad at you. That’s not what I meant at all’” <br/> <br/> “But--” Lorenz was confused. “You just said---” </p>
<p> “I said that I can’t stand the teasing anymore. Because..” He paused again. “Because I think there is more here. For us. And I want us to be more than just friends.” </p>
<p> More than friends? And all of a sudden, everything clicked in Lorenz’s mind.  The glances, the teasing, the touching, the.. Longing. All this time, Lorenz was too blind to see, but they were certainly flirting, weren’t they? The air suddenly grew hot, or maybe it was the intense amount of blush flooding to his cheeks. Either way, it was obvious now what their relationship had turned into, and that only Lorenz was too far-sighted to see what was resting just beyond his nose. </p>
<p> But it was apparent that Claude could not see that Lorenz was going over their every interaction thi past month in his mind, as he spoke again. </p>
<p> “Listen- If-- If that’s not how you feel. Please just.. Just tell me now before I---” </p>
<p> But before he could even finish speaking, Lorenz had already stepped closer, their faces mere inches apart, and Claude’s words went mute. <br/> <br/> He stammered. “Before.. Before I--” </p>
<p> “Shhh… I understand now..” Lorenz cooed, as he placed a hand gently on Claude’s stubbled jaw, and tilted his face upward. Honestly, he had no idea what drove him to do this, maybe the endless romantic novellas he read in youth, but Lorenz followed what his gut was telling him he wanted to do. And what he wanted to do was lean in slowly, and press his lips against Claude's, refusing to look away until the moment they touched.  And that was just what he did. </p>
<p> The kiss was slow, but electrifying. Something moved through Lorenz’s body like lightning, a surge that felt like it brought him to love for the first time in that moment. It pulled him in, like an endless sea and he never wanted this feeling to stop. Of course he had kissed before, but nothing quite like this. One kiss turned to two, then three, each one as deep as the one before. Suddenly he found his lips parting, tongues clashing, and felt the deep burning in the depths of his soul that he had never experienced before that moment. And he wanted more, but before he could plunge into such bliss again, Claude pulled away. Leaving only the longing of where his lips once were, and the sound of gasping breaths of air. </p>
<p> “I- Wow… That was.. Wow.” Claude took another step back as he caught his breath a moment. Perhaps Lorenz was.. Too eager. “I didn’t think you would react this way, honestly.” </p>
<p> “Well, if we’re being honest now, neither did I…” Lorenz replied, still thinking about the sensations he had felt moments before. “I had not even noticed the signs at first, but as soon as you said what you did, it made sense, all of it. And.. I acted in accordance with that revelation..” And he would gladly do it again. All Claude needed to say was-- </p>
<p>“I don’t know if we should do that again.” Well. Not that. Lorenz was hoping to hear ‘kiss me again.’ but he of course being a noble, knew how to take this. </p>
<p>“What do you mean, you don’t know?!” Lorenz nearly sputtered. “Didn’t you just say that you wanted to be more than friends.” </p>
<p>“I did but..” </p>
<p>“But what?” Lorenz was starting to get a little heated now, and not in the same way as he was moments before. He would be damned if Claude von Reigan were to give him that kind of experience in a kiss alone and then take it away. “Was that moment not to your liking? Was it not what you were looking for?” <br/>“Oh, no no.. It.. that kiss was great. More than I thought it would be.. But Lorenz.” Claude stepped closer again, taking Lorenz’s long pale fingers into his hands, and all Lorenz could think was how warm they were. “If we do this, Lorenz, I want to do it right. I want us to take things slow, and really build this up. I don’t want to ruin what we have, if I can help it.” </p>
<p> And while it wasn’t what he had expected to hear, Lorenz was moved. </p>
<p>“Claude.. That was.. Incredibly mature of you. I have to say, I’m impressed.” </p>
<p>“Well, That and… We march at dawn, and if we let this go any further now, I know I wouldn’t let you sleep until sun up.” He winked. Oh. My. Lorenz could feel the heat rising in his cheeks in a fiery burst, as well as the deep pang in his loins. Damn that man and his silver tongue. Oh no, his tongue. In an effort to not embarrass himself any further and allow his imagination to buck wild, Lorenz spoke. <br/>“A-ah well… What do you suggest then?” </p>
<p>Claude reached out and took Lorenz’s hands into his own once again, slowly dragging his thumb along Lorenz’s cold skin. </p>
<p>“Well.. How about this.. Think it over, our relationship I mean..” Claude winked. “And after the battle is won, let’s start anew, no matter the decision. Though I think I may already know your answer” </p>
<p>He didn’t want to agree, but he knew that there wasn’t much he could do to change Claude’s mind. Instead he let out a small huff. At this, Claude laughed. </p>
<p>“Look at you, hah. You’re so mad. This is why I love ya, Lorenz.” </p>
<p>------<br/>“Ah, yes… That” Loenz flushed. So much had happened since that night; so many things that seemed unreal, that had nearly forgotten events that only happened two weeks prior. And now here he was, in the garden, but this time, he had Hilda staring him down with increasing irritation by the second.<br/> <br/> “Yeah. That.” she huffed. “So stop with the pegasus shit and tell me why I haven’t seen you in the last week. Have you even visited Claude, yet?” </p>
<p>No. He hadn’t. In fact, that was the last place Lorenz had wanted to be, even though he knew he should have visited, as his friend. His friend, the word sent a small pang of guilt through him.  It was a good question, Lorenz was probably the only one who HADN’T seen Claude at least once. But something shook him about seeing Claude like that. The sight of Claude as the Healers took him away still haunted him, and he didn’t think he had the strength to see him again. </p>
<p>He knew he should answer Hilda honestly, but instead he said-<br/>“Actually, I am planning on going after my breakfast.” Lorenz retorted in a huff, turning his head so that his nose just slightly pointed to the sky. Old habits die hard. </p>
<p>“Oh Perfect!” Hilda grinned in a way that made Lorenz uneasy. “I’m actually headed over right now. Come with me.” <br/> <br/> “Oh no, Hilda, That’s very kind of you but” Lorenz scrambled to find an excuse. “I still have my breakfast to finish. And I must return these plates to the dining hall! And I would hate to hold you up today Hilda so I regret to say you must go ahead without m---” </p>
<p> “Oh no, Lorenz. I. Insist.” And with that, Hilda grabbed Lorenz by his good arm, and dragged him away from his tea with the force of twenty men. </p>
<p>“Hilda!! My Breakfast! The Dishes!!” Lorenz wriggled as she dragged him alone. </p>
<p>“Someone will clean them later. Right now, we have more important things to do.” She said with another yank. When she wanted to, she certainly could be persuasive.<br/>Dragging Lorenz halfway across the monastery, Hilda made her way to the stairs that would lead to the infirmary, but with each growing step, Lorenz could feel the panic building. He wasn’t ready. This was all too much. He could try again in a few days if Hilda just let go of him. He tried a gentle tug, but his axe wielding friend didn’t budge, and something about knowing he couldn’t get away only made Lorenz panic for release even more. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t face him. Not now. He wanted to run. He needed to escape. He didn’t know where, but he wanted to run far away from anyone. Each clack of hildas shoes against the stone stairs only reminded him of what waited at the top until he cracked. <br/> <br/> “Hilda Stop!!” He yelled, yanking his hand as hard as he could, freeing himself from Hilda’s grasp. After snatching his hand from her grasp, Hilda turned to face Lorenz from the stair above, now facing him at eye level. He still wanted to run, but Lorenz’s feet were planted into the stone, unable to move. <br/> <br/> “I.. I can’t do this…” Lorenz could feel nervous shivers starting through him again. It was something that began after the battle, but when they came, he didn’t know how to stop them. His hands were shaky and he could feel them grow sweaty. “I.. I.. I can’t face him, Hilda. He’s up there and I know he’s just laying in that bed waiting for the goddess to take him and I don’t think I can take it I--” <br/> <br/> It was then that Lorenz noticed the hot streaks of tears falling as he spoke. He could feel them burning in his eyes and the dizzying pressure in his ears. The small shivers were growing into full blown shakes now. He was losing his composure, here in a stairwell and he knew he couldn’t pull it back now. <br/> <br/> “I’m sorry.” He blubbered. “I don’t wish for you to see me in this sort of state, Hilda.” Through the tears, Lorenz couldn’t see Hilda’s face clearly. Really, all he could see was a blab of pinks and brown, but he was sure she was looking at him like the fool he truly was. He could feel the embarrassment and the shame creep in along with every other emotion that was wracking through his nimble form. <br/> <br/> “Oh.. Lorenz…” Was all she said before Lorenz felt the sensation of Hilda’s muscled arms wrapping around his waist into a tight hug. And while Lorenz and Hilda had never hugged before, it brought him a comfort that allowed his sobs to come pouring  out like waves crashing to shore. He gasped and sobbed into Hilda’s shoulder as streams of hot tears came. For a moment, they stayed that way, Hilda letting Lorenz sob into her as her arms held his shaking body tightly. And for that moment, things almost felt better. Once Lorenz’s tears slowed, Hilda pulled away again, but still held Lorenz’s hands in her own. </p>
<p> “I know you’re scared.. And I completely understand that.. ” she said. “But Claude is our friend, our beloved comrade. He’s my best friend, Lorenz, and the thought of losing him… It scares me too. But if this is the end, and I didn’t do my best to see him every day, I know I would regret it every day for the rest of my life. And I can’t let you have that kind of regret, because you’re my friend too..” </p>
<p> And with that, and a squeeze from Hilda’s hands, Lorenz’s shaking started to subside.. He was still certainly scared, but something changed inside of him; the thought of what could happen if he didnt see Claude and the notion that the last memory of him could be his mangled corpse being taken away. No. That will not stand. </p>
<p> “I..” The words didn’t come at first, but the thought of the word ‘friends’ hung in his mind again, but looking at Hilda, the word felt warm, welcoming. “You’re right, Hilda. You are absolutely right. And I am still scared, but this is something we must do.” </p>
<p> Lorenz started to move past Hilda on the steps, climbing higher, but before reaching the top, he felt Hilda from behind grabbing him by the hand.</p>
<p> “Yeah.. But, we can do it together..” she smiled weakly, and it was then that Lorenz noticed the red around Hilda’s eyes, the day-old makeup on her face, and the dark bags formed under her eyes. It was obvious now that the veil had been pulled, that Lorenz wasn’t the only one hurting. He gave Hilda’s hand a comforting squeeze. </p>
<p> “Yes.. Let’s go together.” </p>
<p> When they entered the infirmary, it was seemingly empty. The smell of healing herbs and remedies wafted through the air as the midday sun flowed in from an open window. As they stepped inside, the soft voice of Marrianne welcomed them. </p>
<p> “Hello Hilda! And Lorenz! It’s good to see you both.” she smiled, as well as she could anyway.  Hilda pulled her close and placed a kiss on her cheek. As she came closer, Lorenz noticed the sleepless expression on her face, though from what he remembered, that wasn’t new. <br/> <br/> “Have you slept at all, babe?” Hilda asked. “I know this is a trying time, but you won’t be able to help anyone if you’re exhausted.” </p>
<p> “I know.. I am sleeping, I promise.” Hilda seemed unconvinced, but she moved on.<br/> “How is he?” she asked. And Marianne’s expression seemed to falter from a polite smile to genuine concern. <br/> “Well.. Not much has changed since yesterday..” she began. “He is stable, but since he had brought him from the brink, he has been asleep. He lost a lot of blood and the arrow that pierced him was close to his heart. Honestly, it’s a matter of waiting for him to wake for now, we just need to see if he will stay sleeping… forever…” She sighed.  Sleeping forever. The words hung in the air between the three of them until Lorenz couldn’t take the silence anymore. <br/> <br/> “Where is he? Can we see him?” Lorenz asked, perhaps a little too eagerly, though Marianne didn’t seem to mind. </p>
<p> “Of course.” she smiled again. “He’s over here.” </p>
<p>Marianne walked to the back of the infirmary where she pulled back a long, hanging curtain, and there he was, sleeping. The sight made Lorenz’s stomach drop as if he came crashing down from the heavens. The blood had been wiped away clean, and his armor had been stripped and replaced with a while linen tunic. Could it be the one he wore that night in the garden? Lorenz didn’t want to know the truth. <br/> <br/> “I know you haven’t seen him yet” Marianne began quietly. “But I want you to know. Whatever small healing spell you performed out on the battlefield made all the difference, Lorenz. You saved Claude’s life. It’s just up to him now.” </p>
<p> Lorenz took a step closer to the bed, and saw the bandaged wounds on his chest that were still stained with dried blood. He could feel himself shaking again but forced them down as he took a seat in the chair beside the bed. He couldn’t look away, watching Claude’s chest rise and fall in his slumber. He almost didn’t look real. He could feel himself getting upset again, but he held firm, gripping his hands tightly in an effort not to cry. Sensing his distress, Hilda spoke from behind him. <br/> <br/> “Mari? How about we.. uh.. Go outside a second and get some air? Goddess knows you need it. Lorenz has it covered in here, don’t ya Lorenz?” </p>
<p>Marianne looked perplexed at first but then turned to Lorenz hearself. </p>
<p>“Is that true, Lorenz? Do you mind if I step out for a moment?” </p>
<p>Lorenz swallowed hard. “Yes, Marianne. I can handle it. You go.” And within a moment, the two left the infirmary where Lorenz allowed tears he was holding in to fall. He needed to thank Hilda, later for that. After the sobs subsided and he could breath again, the silence in the infirmary felt overwhelming. At first, he didn’t know what he should do. </p>
<p>Talk to him! A voice inside of him yelled. </p>
<p>“H-Hello Claude..” Lorenz began. It was strange talking to a sleeping man, but it was better than sitting in silence with his thoughts again. “I don’t know if you can hear me at all, but I hope my words can reach you..”</p>
<p>His breaths are steady, but Claude doesn’t respond of course. Lorenz stays silent again before the words start bubbling out. </p>
<p>“I’m so sorry, Claude.” he sighed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to come here on my own accord. I’m sorry I didn’t know more faith to save you… And.. I’m sorry I didn’t say this then, but.. Over these last few days, I know for sure. I love you, Claude von Reigan. And I need you to wake up, so that we can be together; take this slow, just like you said we would. I don’t think I could take you giving me the greatest pleasure and comfort I had ever felt, and then… taking it away like that.. I just.. I can’t stand to lose you, Claude… Please.. Wake up…” </p>
<p>And that’s when something happened that Lorenz never would have expected in a thousand years. </p>
<p>“So.. You liked the kiss, huh?” A tired voice croaked out, and Lorenz nearly jumped out of his skin, sitting up straight in his chair and letting out a quick High pitched yelp.  </p>
<p> “Claude!!” Lorenz exclaimed, his chest clenching tightly. Claude chuckled weakly in the bed before coughing in a small fit. “You-- You--” </p>
<p> “I’m sorry, you’re just so easy to scare.. I couldn’t help myself.” He smiled. </p>
<p> “No! No! Not that at all! You’re-- You’re awake. And,, you’re alive..” Lorenz could feel the tears falling again, but this time they were ones of joy. Of all of the romance novels he’d read, and opera’s he’d seen, Lorenz had never expected happy endings could be real. <br/> <br/> “Of course I’m alive..” Claude grinned. “You think something like that could kill me--”  </p>
<p><br/> But before he could finish, Lorenz was leaning over the bed and pressing Claude’s lips against his own, the hot tears on his face smearing onto Claude’s stubbled cheeks.</p>
<p>“I Love you Claude.” He shakily whispered as he placed another kiss on his lips. “I love you, and I don’t ever want to be apart from you ever again.” He placed a kiss on Claude’s lips. And another. Lorenz didn’t want to stop. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to let go of Claude ever again. He kissed his lips, his nose, his cheeks. He kissed his face over and over until-- </p>
<p> “Relax, Lorenz. Give the guy some air, will ya?” Lorenz turned to see Hilda and Marianne returned from their stroll and all he could do was let happy tears fall through a huff of laughter.  Finally, things were starting to look up. </p>
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